It was only when Vidhi had drawn the analogy of a mockingbird to allegorically allude towards my innocence, that the rest of the gang began to catch a hint of how one-directional and reactionary their actions were. Meher's mind seemed to be in a drift, trying to calculate and configure the unfolding events. Zafar was simply standing wide-eyed...moving his glare back-and-forth between me and Vidhi, who was busy cradling the back of my head and nonchalantly mumbling about the stupidity of our companions. At the other side of the room, nearer to the door, was Kavya. A glimpse of her flummoxed face was enough to make me erupt in a chuckle which pierced the thin veil of dread and apprehension in the room. An uneasy peace now prevailed between the two sides, awaiting a final confrontation to provide closure.
"We need to sort this mess out, really..," Zafar spoke up in a bid to break the deadlock. The deep contours appearing on his face suggested that he wasn't holding up very well about any of this and I could once again recognise the familiarity in his voice which had gone missing at the dinner table on that fateful night. "Finally! Something has finally come out of your mouth that makes sense. How I wish you had said this before wielding the stick on me," I responded more out of spite than anger. "Oh come on, stop with the moral high horse and get on with your story. Let us see what you have to say for yourself," Meher vented out with frustration. I eyed her suspiciously at first but all my annoyance vanished into thin air as Meher's forehead shrunk within several deepening wrinkles of worry. "Alright kids, gather round, it's time for spilling the truth beans now."
Its tough to explain my state of mind in those moments as I prepared to unravel the strings of this tale from my end in anticipation that the rest of them would also come clean and not continue keeping their sides tangled up. Tumultuous was how everything felt like, to say the least. Time was running its usual, slow course, but our circumstances were changing with every faint whiff in the air. Nevertheless, my anger was not translating into anything more. I was facing one of those moral dilemmas where my mind was pulling me over the line of decency to transcend into fits of rage, yet my heart longed to forget all that had happened and go back to the good, old times of bliss. I don't know why, but its always the heart that prevails in these situations and makes us take that leap of faith in something or someone. Drawing in a couple of deep breaths, I settled myself for beginning what would be a long, long monologue.
"First things first, I must clear the air on this with you Meher - I've not been cheating on you with Vidhi. There is absolutely nothing like that and I don't understand how you have even digested this abominable concoction as the truth. I'm going to presume that the root of all this lies in how close I have become with Vidhi of late, isn't it? Well, you're not wrong about how close we are... Vidhi to me is the sister I've never had. She has showered me with sisterly concern and affection to the extent of spoiling me! It's wonderful. I've often felt the need to have someone who's protective about me and the things that I indulge in. Of course, your parents are the first and foremost set of people who will do that for you unconditionally without any trace of hesitation. However, it so happens that as we grow older, our tendency to get frustrated with them for having such an influence in our lives keeps growing too. I'm sure you will all agree with me that independence is the strongest drug there is in the larger scheme of life whereas exertion of this independence without any fears or fetters is the high we all crave for. The wisdom that our parents seek to equip us with in day-to-day life seems like an unwarranted disruption in this independence. This is where the looming shadow of a sibling comes into the picture and these are precisely the shoes which Vidhi has filled in my life.
I guess you might want to know how we developed this bond in the first place. A couple of months ago, Vidhi and I had been working late into the night at the office for finishing up drafting of arguments in a twisted murder defense. It was in then that we realised we had never actually worked together on anything, just the two of us, in all those years. That's how crazy this friendship had been, totally lop-sided. This chance to work together also came up only because the person we were to defend was a mutual connection who had vehemently requested that we handle her case together. After that night though, the floodgates opened and we started talking more and also actively sought to collaborate on new cases. A lot of things have come to light in these few months about how we have all been treating Vidhi and how we are responsible for a lot of anxiety that she suffers from. She has been putting in all her efforts towards the firm too, like the rest of us, yet we have done nothing but take those efforts for granted.
Upon some silent introspection prompted by these revelations, I began to feel guilty about the fact that we had been constantly sidelining Vidhi from the group. Once our interactions had reached a point where Vidhi had begun to trust me a bit more as a friend and confidant, I pressed her a little about the time she had left the firm and almost moved to another city altogether. I wanted to know whether the rest of us had any role to play in all that because a small corner of my mind always felt that something must have snapped for Vidhi so viciously that she was forced to make this decision. Was she trying to erase the rest of us from her life and have a clean start? After all, she's never been confident about her friendships with us, you know, it's not as if she can count upon us in her times of need or call even a single one of us in the dead of the night to cry over a break-up or talk about a haunting nightmare.
Vidhi then told me about the real reasons behind threatening to leave the firm and I'm pretty sure you all have understood the gist of it by now. To be frank, I agree with all of her conclusions and would have tried to escape from such a toxic situation as well if I were in her position. Its taken her an immense amount of courage to come back and stay on without a word of complaint, all for the sake of this firm. For sake of the firm. We've been blaming Vidhi all this time for jeopardizing the interests of the firm, but haven't we also conveniently forgotten that she is the firm. We are all the firm. This firm does not exist independently of us and we are all as much a part of it as it has become a part of us. This is us. That's all there is to it."
A stunned silence followed from all corners in response to these ramblings. I looked into the eyes of each one of them, beginning with Meher. She looked sorrowful and very ashamed of herself. Zafar's face wore quite a constipated expression and I'm sure that had my story continued any longer, he would have thrown up. Vidhi was sitting back in the chair, gazing tensely at the ceiling and probably wondering if time could move even slower than it was right now. Lastly, I turned towards Kavya with an air of entitlement in my step, expecting a bitter face, twitched lips and cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. However, all that entitlement snapped at once as her crestfallen eyes nervously looked up to face my questioning glare and pleaded for mercy.
"I've told you all about my end of the bargain, now you ought to explain how I've landed up here. Who's gonna start.. Kavya?" these words unwittingly rolled out of my mouth like I was reading them from a script. "Fine, here goes. I guess its my turn to play the Russian Roulette! There isn't a lot left to say now anyway after your outburst. Long story short, I messed up everything, and then I messed it up for everyone. I...I don't really know what to say to you at this point. You deserve better than me." That quivering tone and crestfallen look of mercy in her eyes broke me. It instantly melted the glacier of resentment in my heart and made me feel hollow. I remembered Portia's poignant words in The Merchant of Venice, "the quality of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, upon the place beneath. It is twice blest; it blesseth him that gives and him that takes," and felt a strong urge to forget and forgive. For all I knew and cared about, Kavya had done what she thought would be best for protecting Meher and there was no need for any explanation or justification beyond that. Meher still loved me to the moon and back; Zafar still loved me in his own peculiar manner; and there was no doubt about the fact that Kavya not only loved me unconditionally, but she would also continue loving me regardless of what happened next. And truth be told, I could really use this vast pool of love at my disposal, as selfish as it may sound!
Unable to listen any further, Vidhi went over to Kavya and embraced her in a tight bear hug. Whenever Kavya tried to resume speaking, Vidhi simply raised a finger to her lips and shushed her, "Shhhhhhh." Meanwhile, Zafar had turned his face towards the corner beside my bed and it appeared as if he was working hard on suppressing his sobs. His valiant efforts were successful only for a brief while before the bubble popped and all emotion flowed out. "I want to scream out so badly right now...it's the best way to let all of this out at once," he reflected after gaining some composure. "It's alright, you take your time, we'll be here for you," Vidhi comforted him. Kavya, still bewildered with the fact that Vidhi was not interested in hearing more about what went wrong, asked "Don't you want answers to all the whys and hows? I'm sure there are hundreds of questions swimming around in your mind. Bring them on, please, it might give me some closure."
"Not now, Kavya. This isn't a courtroom where you're deposing before us on the stand as a defence witness. I'm not going to cross-examine each angle of your testimony and put your words under the scanner. It would probably be for the best to let it go."
"Let's let it go," I spoke with a tired smile.
***
A lot of things changed in the aftermath of these events. Most excitingly, Zafar was so emotionally moved by our little episode (yes, that's how we refer to it now amongst ourselves) that he finally gathered up courage and asked Kavya on a date! They've been going out for a month now and their faces carry the brightest of smiles in each others' company. The two of them remind me so much of the times when Meher and I too lived in a world of our own. After the episode, we had mutually decided that some distance and time apart would do us both good. Staying away from Meher for so long made me appreciate so much stuff that I had begun to take for granted, such as the random kisses and routine 'Have a nice day!' greetings we exchanged. This was around the same time that Meher, Kavya and Vidhi embarked upon a long adventure trip to re-ignite and cherish their bond. The three weeks that they were away was the most awfully boring time Zafar and I have spent in our lives. It was only once they returned that some semblance of normalcy was restored. I've now come to realise that broken relationships aren't so easy to mend, be it with your partners or best friends, but an active effort from all ends, garnished with a little bit of time, does the trick more often than not.
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