Attempt to Murder: Short Story

As she came close and leaned over to land a gentle kiss on my forehead, beads of perspiration trickled from her body onto mine. They rolled down my cheeks and slowly dissipated within me, symbolic of the part of her that would always reside in my heart. As she kissed my forehead, numerous strands of her thick, dark hair formed a curtain around our heads. I had often found comfort from the deepest troubles when I ran my hands slowly through her flowing hair. In fact, her hair worked such a charm on me that I would start pouring out the most mundane thoughts to her. She was the perfect listener, soaking in all the love, hate or anger that my thoughts had to offer. Whatever trials, travails or tribulations that I encountered, she was always there... just as she had been there now for the past one week, waiting patiently for me to wake up and talk to her. When she got up and prepared to leave for the night, suppressing a sob every now and then, I longed to call out and tell her how much I yearned for the warmth of her hug.

The fact was that neither she nor the medical team on my case had yet realised that I was awake, well only technically at least. While my brain had been jolted awake a couple of hours ago, the rest of my body seemingly didn't follow and was still convalescing in slumber. No matter how much I tried, there was no response from the limbs. I could not even twitch my fingers or bat an eyelid to alert someone that I was indeed conscious. It was like one of those bad dreams that we all have of being buried alive! After Meher had left, dark thoughts began to creep into my mind - what if they do actually bury me alive, will Meher give up hope of my getting better, will I ever manage to wake up? More importantly at this juncture, however, I was puzzled as to how I even landed up in this soup?

I tried to recollect the chain of events which could have possibly created this mess. The last thing I remembered was feeling a bit dizzy when swaying and dancing in the ballroom. At that point of time, I had put down this dizziness to the couple of extra shots of vodka that were gulped down swiftly at the open bar, even though Meher had advised me not to. She's always right, isn't she? I should have listened to her alright! In my defence, though, there was reason enough to lay back and enjoy this indulgence for both me and Meher. Our law firm had finally begun to show some signs of bearing the fruit of our labours after several months of watering and nourishing the seed we had planted not so long ago. I had stumbled towards an unprecedented victory in a long winding trial while Meher had superbly worked her way to bag a couple of new clients who could pay off our bills and feed us for the coming years with the work they would bring in. The two of us had often sat late into the night contemplating shutting down the firm and returning to our old, unadventurous corporate lives. So, when the green shoots finally sprouted, it was jubilation and bliss all around.

We had decided to meet up and celebrate with all the members of our firm at an upscale city lounge in Hauz Khas. There were five of us running the firm - myself, Meher, Kavya, Zafar and Vidhi - a bunch of friends from college. Amongst the lot of us, Meher and Vidhi were by far the better lawyers. Meher's oratory flair and eccentric determination, coupled with Vidhi's clarity of thought and presence of mind made for a very formidable pair which gave rise to a truck load of envy in all those who stood besides them as opposing counsel. Those opposing counsels had once been me and Zafar, albeit in the college moot court competition. My half-baked arguments had been battered by Meher that day with such grace and ease that I was swept off my feet and flung straight into her empire of love. Tidal waves of admiration would arise in me every time I saw her argue a case. She wasn't the stereotypical lawyer who is suited more to prime time television news debates than the courtroom. No, she wasn't one of those attention-hogging leeches who mistake passionate arguing with migraine-inducing scream fests, where looking for logic is as good as searching for a grain of wheat in a bushel of chaff. Meher was different, she didn't need to hog attention at all. Having built such a stellar reputation over the years, all eye-balls were always set upon her whenever she entered a courtroom. Hers was a practice of the art of advocacy, beautiful beyond intrigue in both substance and in form.

 

 

So there we were, the five of us, at the Matchbox Lounge in Hauz Khas, South Delhi. It was almost 10 PM in the clock and the weekday crowd had begun to call it a day, leaving us in a relatively empty and peaceful environment to relish our recent successes. None of us had bothered to get dressed for the occasion but had put on some modest, almost business-like, attires that gave out professional and sophisticated vibes. None of us, but Kavya! Kavya had chosen to dazzle in a stunning black one-shoulder midi dress. As she approached us at the entrance of the lounge, I felt as if she was strutting out on to the red carpet. Meher whispered in my ears about how beautiful she was looking, a proper damsel.

While the others embraced and appreciated her dress, I began to realize that there was more to the story than was being reflected from that dress. As I looked into her eyes, I was transported back ten years in time and then it suddenly struck me. This was the same dress that Kavya had worn to our Freshers Night where we had gone as a couple. My apprehensions were confirmed by the mischief that was now obvious on her face... she had always been terrible at hiding things, especially her emotions. I thought it better not to disrupt the mood of the night but made a mental note to confront Kavya the next morning at work and find out what she was up to. As we went in, I passed a sly wink to Zafar, who had been harbouring a crush on Kavya for quite some time. Things were about to get as complicated as ever.

Cut to ten years ago, Kavya was the first friend I made in college. A mutual dread for food served in the college canteen became the starting point of sorts for this friendship. We attended classes together and then enjoyed each other's company in the evenings for exploring the lanes of Delhi, a city new to us both. A firm bond of trust eventually developed over the numerous cups of tea and street food delicacies like gol gappe, momos and shawarma that we gobbled down in our escapades. After having spent so much time together, it seemed to be a no-brainer that we should go to the Freshers Night together as a couple. Kavya had been extremely enthusiastic about the idea whereas I initially appeared to be hesitant, with question marks lurking in mind - were we taking this too quickly? The hesitation didn't last very long as I caved in when Kavya emphasized that it was just one night and we would have so much fun. Besides, it wasn't any different from the two of us going out in the evenings anyway. So, it was decided.

It was in this over joyous mood that Kavya had purchased this midi dress for the party. Ten long years later, she was looking as enchanting in that dress as she had back then at Freshers Night. There was no one at that party whose attention had not been drawn to her, she was the highlight of the event and this was something Kavya took a lot of pride in - having the spotlight firmly fixed firmly upon her. Her tall, athletic frame coupled with those sharp facial features made her stand out among the rest of the crowd. As Kavya's companion, I was also inadvertently brought into the limelight. Whenever I came close to her or at times when we danced together, I could feel the strain of a hundred set of eye-balls scrutinising every move that we made. On one hand, trumpets of admiration were being blown of Kavya's beauty, but on the other, vipers were waiting patiently to unleash their venomous potions of hate and pounce upon any mis-step that we took.

Freshers Night had gone perfectly so far and Kavya wasn't one to let those vipers spoil the fun. I don't know how she does it but Kavya always seems to be most comfortable in dealing with pressure situations when you are put under the scanner. I got the first taste of this ability that night and still continue to be blown away by her adroitness to this day. We often had to deal with cases of highly sensitive nature which warranted lots of public debate and media trials on a daily basis, but the elegance and finesse with which Kavya tackled them all one after the other saved the rest of us from embarrassment and humiliation quite a number of times. Needless to say, the party had been a grand success for us as we had been catapulted from obscurity to stardom in a matter of hours, although I had had but a small role to play in that. We were both conscious of the change that had taken place during the night and this consciousness introduced an element of awkwardness in our friendship. It seemed to me that a virtual barrier had been erected between the two of us which now prevented us from being frank with each other. The silence that shrouded our ten-minute walk towards the hostel was excruciating and, at the end, as I turned to bid her good night, Kavya suddenly clasped my head between her arms and pulled me in for a kiss!

Down the years, we had talked about and laughed over this incident several times, so it no longer seemed to be that big a deal as we initially made it out to be. When I did not reciprocate her feelings immediately, Kavya released her hold over me and walked swiftly away. Back then, it had felt as if the kiss had torn through the fabric of our budding friendship...but time has played its magic. I can now faithfully say that the kiss only served to interlock the loose ends of that fabric and make it even tougher to break.

 

 

Our party of five occupied a large, circular table at the Matchbox Lounge. I was flanked by Meher on my right and Vidhi on the left side. Kavya was seated directly opposite to me, with Zafar placed in between her and Vidhi. The evening's celebrations were kick-started with a round of drinks from the bar. We merrily drank to our collective success and raised a toast for all the good times yet to come. As is often characteristic of such gatherings, conversations soon shift from the present to reminiscences of the past. Naturally, the subject-matter of our discussion had also started to steer towards memories of the early days - from how we all met and became fast friends to all the planning, dreams, struggles, failures, fights and embarrassments that tagged along. In ten years, we had formed quite the treasure trove of memories and experiences, all of which were recollected one-by-one.

A little over half-an-hour into the night, however, all the chattering and laughter began to get on our nerves as various unsettling sections of the treasure trove were also encroached upon, some intentionally and some by accident. For instance, Vidhi grimaced when her memory was refreshed about the time she had left us all in a lurch by threatening to quit the firm and leave us all behind. That had been one of the biggest setbacks we had faced so far and took a lot of sacrifices to reverse. Another uneasy flashback, for me at least, was when I had suffered from a series of brain fades which led to such glaring errors that we all had to bear the grunt of public disgrace and the firm became a laughingstock within the legal circles. Enough of that! Perhaps it was because of all the drinking, but our comments had started to take an unsavoury tone and the mood of the night was turning a little hostile. It honestly isn't so difficult to imagine that a group of friends-cum-colleagues would be carrying a heavy baggage of old corpses awaiting their proper burial.

The intensity in the atmosphere was gradually building up, inching towards the inflection point. Until then, it was a simple matter of riding out the calm before the big storm. We all knew where this was heading and it was precisely why we no longer got together so often. Of course we shared office space and routinely ran into each other every other day, but that was in a totally different environment. It's surprising how the overarching effect of a workplace can even make friends be so plain and formal to each other. This is definitely not what we had envisaged working together to be like all those years ago. Or maybe it was just that we needed to tackle that storm once and for all rather than trying to avoid or push-back confrontation. Anger, resentment and helplessness had been stacking up in our minds for so long that it was bound to burst at the seams any day. Those feelings of frustration required an outlet after all.

Amidst all these thoughts swimming around in my mind, I could feel something creep up my leg. I smiled devilishly, imagining it to be Meher who was sliding her feet slyly up my trousers, signalling her intent and disposition towards wrapping up the dinner and embarking upon a far more private adventure. Meher had these clever, little symbols, so to say, of romance that would transport us both into a frenzy of outpouring love. Sometimes it was a bouquet of flowers or a surprise outing away from the city... it's tough to explain how, but our minds just clicked together on the same frequency at times with these signals. Often, I would try desperately to steal a glance or two towards her when she curled strands of hair in her fingers and tucked it behind the ears, all the while drowned in work. At such moments, I felt an irresistible urge to set everything aside, become oblivious to the happenings of the outside world, and do nothing but look into her eyes and kiss. There was nothing more worthwhile.

Back to the present, when I realised that there was something creeping up my leg, my eyes darted quickly to Meher, supposing this to be one of her quirky moves. Alas, to my deep anguish, this was not so for Meher was sitting there, head perched on her elbows with an expressionless, blank face that meant she was bored out of her wits and was bordering on drowsiness. If those creepy crawlies on my leg weren't Meher's, well, whose were they? There was only one more person who would dare at such intimacy, Kavya! As I agonisingly turned to face Kavya, she gave me a furtive wink which only strengthened my convictions regarding her ulterior motives.

 

 

"Would you mind if I borrow your beloved for a celebratory dance?" Kavya addressed Meher, disrupting the tranquil sweeping over our table.

"Not a bit, he's all yours..." responded Meher and then quickly added, "do return him once you've taught him how to let his body loose and actually dance for a change!"

"In that case, I'm afraid I won't ever be able to hand him back over to you. For all his other qualities, he's never been one to shake a leg with." The two of them shared a good laugh at the expense of my incapability to dance. Meher and Kavya had become fast-friends over the five years of law school and then beyond at the firm. They stuck together in each others' times of trouble and shared a unique bond of love which also involved me as one of its many focal points.

"Come on, it's not that bad," I interjected their merry-making in a last-ditch effort to salvage some grace for my dancing skills. Meher was the one person who had selflessly taken care of Kavya after the dramatic events of Freshers Night and this became the launching pad of their relationship. They were inseparable through the college years and really looked out for one another, forging a trust that would last them their lifetimes. Essentially, Meher substituted me as Kavya's partner-in-crime for all practical purposes, except for the fact that she did not break her heart like I did. With that said and done, Kavya presently led me on to the dance floor with a peculiar sense of urgency or nervousness that I couldn't place as being characteristic of her at all. This only compounded the eerie state of things of the night.

Learning about me from Kavya's perspective during the initial period of their friendship had aroused both curiosity and anger in Meher's mind, as she told me later on during our courtship. The curiosity was rooted in all the praise which Kavya showered upon me despite how things had ended that night. Meher was quite impressed with the vivid descriptions Kavya made of all the fun times we enjoyed in our outings. On the other hand, the anger stemmed, obviously, from the closing events of Freshers' Night. I couldn't really appreciate at first why so much of their anger was directed towards me when all I had done was make a choice that suited me. Meher then calmly explained that I must not look at the choice in isolation, but in consonance with the entire sequence of incidents that steered Kavya into a serene alleyway of infatuation with me. The outings, escapades and what not deceived her to believe that I was as interested as her in taking things to the next level. However, when she sought some sort of reciprocation for her feelings from me - first by asking me to be her date to the Freshers' and afterwards by attempting that kiss - I resisted and deserted her vehicle of love, blindsiding it straight into a dead-end. A total wreck. Meher emphasized that Kavya had become so emotionally invested in the idea of us that facing such an outright refusal left her devastated. A portion of the blame lay upon me since my own confusion regarding how I felt about Kavya led her to think that we both wanted something more.

Truth be told, the manner in which Meher made me perceive how my actions had caused so much pain was what induced me to surrender completely in my love for her. But that's a subject for another story! For now, Kavya and I began to dance the foxtrot with our bodies pressed closely together, my right hand enclosed round her waist and the left hand stretched out to meet her right. We struggled to keep up with the rhythm after a while though, mostly due to being woefully out of touch coupled with my lack of dexterity. So we switched to concentrating on having a conversation instead and Kavya placed her hands around my shoulders and neck, strangely resembling the manner in which she had held me that night right before pressing forward for a kiss. "What's going on tonight Kavya? I've not seen you wear that dress for a long, long time," so began my pursuit of a confrontation with her.

"You've cut straight to the chase, how very nice of you," she retorted sharply.

"I don't understand what you're getting at" I said, sensing the rage in her tone.

"Don't try to act so innocent, I know every last bit of you."

"Excuse me, is there something about me that's bothering you?"

"What do you think this dress signifies to me, huh, it brings to my mind all the agony that you caused me."

"Exactly. Out of all the glorious dresses that you have, why did you wear this one tonight?"

"Because you've brought all that agony back into my life as well as Meher's!"

"Meher's? Stop with all the riddles and let it out, whatever you are talking about."

"Well, here we go, I'm talking about the fact that you've been cheating on Meher...with Vidhi."

"Whaattttt? Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Don't even try to refute this or justify yourself now, understand?"

"Justify? You are insane, this doesn't make any sense."

"You are the insane one here, you know, cheating on Meher! She sounded so hurt earlier when I told her. You've broken her trust."

"Just shut up Kavya, okay. Let me go and talk to Meher so we can clear whatever misunderstanding this is."

"Hold your horses mister, I'm not letting you go anywhere near Meher at any cost."

A heavy blow descended swiftly upon my head with a loud thud. Somebody had dealt me a knockout punch with all their might, who could it be? I had taken a severe hit to the back of my head that zapped me out of consciousness. Feeling very dizzy, I swayed backward and forward a little with every ounce of energy I could muster in a bid to hold on to something. "Let me ta-talk to Me...her, I haven't dooneeee anyth..."  I stuttered and tried to plead with my assailants, but couldn't complete the sentence before letting out a sharp squeal and swirling on to the ground in an ugly mess.

Darkness.

 

 

This was all I remembered of the night. In fact, it was the last thing I remembered until I woke up in the hospital room when Meher was preparing to leave for the night. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do, well, anything. Meher had also left, so I would have to wait until she returned in the morning to give any sort of impression that I was indeed awake. Recollecting the frenzy of events that had landed me in this soup kicked up a storm in my heart. I could feel a sense of repulsion and anger towards Kavya seething from every pore in my skin, but this was all dwarfed by my desperation to face Meher and let her know that I had not betrayed her trust. I tried to calm my nerves by visualizing the relief which would soon become apparent on Meher's face as she would relax her shoulders and drop the guard. Besides, the fact that Meher had been here by my bedside surely signified something. Did Kavya not say anything to her yet?

While I took the recourse of diving into the empty abyss of my mind to try and discover anything more which could assist me in determining what was going on, a flurry of whispers could be heard outside the room. I couldn't make out what was being said, but did recognise the three distinct voices that were floating in. They were Meher, Kavya and Zafar.

My mind started racing at the idea that I would finally be able to tell them somehow about being awake and conscious. I just had to wait until they came in now. But why were they talking outside among themselves? Come in already and plunge me out of this misery. After a couple of minutes that seemed like eternity, they did finally open the doorknob and wander in on tip-toe... all very strange again. I wanted to shriek out to them at this point to drop all the pretense and embrace me.

Before any of that could happen, however, they started whispering again. This time, I was able to hear them crisp and clear. Meher's voice seemed to be trembling with horror, I had never seen her so afraid. "What have we done, what have we done. This has gone too far. We didn't plan it like this. Look at him, he is completely out of sorts," rambled Meher with sharp pangs of guilt reverberating inside her. "We can't hide this anymore, the hospital authorities will contact the police first thing tomorrow morning. We're gonna have a lot of explaining to do," Kavya put across to them in a very matter-of-fact tone as if she did not share the feeling of remorse that Meher was reflecting.

"Doomed, this plan has been doomed from the beginning," Meher then stared at Zafar and possibly coming across far more aggressively than she intended to, asked him bluntly, "why did you have to hit him so hard anyway?" So it must have been Zafar who struck me the blow which landed me here. This piece of the jigsaw puzzle came as a shocker, completely out of the blue. Even for a night of unbelievable transgressions, I couldn't digest that Zafar had indeed been involved in this abominable scheme of things. Zafar? No. Can't be.

"I didn't mean to, but ended up taking out all my anger and frustration in the form of that blow. I felt as if this was my only chance to get some justice," Zafar attempted a feeble justification of his actions. This was it, I couldn't take it anymore. Hearing Zafar admit to his actions so scornfully broke me completely. Et tu, Brute? "Your notion of justice is a bit far-fetched then, isn't it," Kavya retorted combatively. She was in no mood for more slip ups and I could bet my life that she was already thinking about her next few steps. "Look who's talking here, the mastermind behind all this. Bravo!" exclaimed Zafar, passing the baton back to Kavya, who dismissed his sarcasm immediately with a simple wave of her hand. This was all so easy for her.

It was at this moment that I felt a rush of weakness. Of course, I was physically battered after the assault, but this was more of a mental strain than physical. It was the feeling of weakness which was rooted in sudden loneliness - the sort when you realise that the world around you is a pretense. I could compare my awakening to Truman Burbank's realization of having lived his entire life in a stimulated television drama in 'The Truman Show' where every minute aspect of Truman's life was controlled and manipulated by its creators. It now dawned upon me that I was all alone in this fight. I felt shallow, sinking into a pit within myself.  Once you've spent years after years with someone, you begin to feel like you know them, but it so occurs that the slightest mixture of fear and doubt can bring out a whole new side to them.

Up until now, I had carried the same conception about Zafar. We had been roommates throughout and beyond law school and had a bond, or at least I thought so, which was supposed to be unbreakable. Zafar was one of the constants in my life and I often turned to him for some sane counsel and words of advise. His calm demeanour and quiet, joyful approach to life served as a great contrast to my own outgoing and trigger-happy outlook. I always felt that we formed a pretty good team because we were able to be completely frank and honest with each other about things. Zafar never refrained from picking out my flaws and asking me to course correct whenever my quirks got out of hand. He always expected me to watch out for him the same way, and I did that to the best of my abilities. What, then, went so wrong in our relationship that he had to react like this without even a hint of confrontation to try and clear the air first?

All the incessant chatter and blabbering going about in the room died out when we heard hurried footsteps which were first moving away but then turned back mid-way down the corridor to approach us again. Soon after, Vidhi stepped into the room, her face looking completely pale, as if she was about to throw up her whole life out of her that very instant. She was as shell-shocked as I was. I quickly presumed that this was the result of having heard all that had been said and done in the past five minutes. Did this mean that, after all, I was not totally alone? Was Vidhi on my side? Right on cue, Meher flared up at Vidhi and began to blame her for all that had occurred in the previous forty-eight hours.

"You witch! This is all your fault. We're stuck here and he's in this condition - ALL BECAUSE OF YOU."

"You're all lunatics, you know that," Vidhi stuttered, clearly struggling for composure.

"Oh yeah? If we're lunatics then what does that make you.."

"Don't you dare take another step closer to me."

"Why're you scared now? Where was this fear when you chose to do what you did," Meher tore into Vidhi.

"You don't know what you are talking about..."

"Trust me dear, I know what I'm talking about," Kavya barged into the conversation.

"Yeah, I did trust you... and look what's come of that," sniggered Meher.

It was this faint flicker of hope emanating from Vidhi which spurred life into my body. This was all that I required to zap my body out of its deep slumber. Isn't it beautiful how when life is hanging by a thread, even the slimmest of chances appear to be divine interventions, especially when it's a matter of the heart. In The Truman Show, the creators were able to control every part of their protagonist's life, but for one - love! They try to create circumstances where Truman will fall in love with Meryl, however, he is drawn romantically towards Sylvia instead, an extra on the show. In my case too, even though the cookie was crumbling, Vidhi's love and affection became the light at the end of my tunnel. To Meher, Kavya and Zafar, on the other hand, watching me regain consciousness upon Vidhi's arrival at the scene would have only served to further their conviction that I was having an affair with her.

"I'll say this in a language that you will understand only if you really love him, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird," Vidhi said with a triumphant air and dashed over to my bedside as I tried to sit up, leaving the others flustered to no end.

 

 

It was only when Vidhi had drawn the analogy of a mockingbird to allegorically allude towards my innocence, that the rest of the gang began to catch a hint of how one-directional and reactionary their actions were. Meher's mind seemed to be in a drift, trying to calculate and configure the unfolding events. Zafar was simply standing wide-eyed...moving his glare back-and-forth between me and Vidhi, who was busy cradling the back of my head and nonchalantly mumbling about the stupidity of our companions. At the other side of the room, nearer to the door, was Kavya. A glimpse of her flummoxed face was enough to make me erupt in a chuckle which pierced the thin veil of dread and apprehension in the room. An uneasy peace now prevailed between the two sides, awaiting a final confrontation to provide closure.

That Harper Lee's classic To Kill A Mockingbird was my favourite book was known to practically everyone with whom I had the chance of being acquainted. That the character portrayal of Atticus Finch had greatly influenced my decision of becoming a lawyer was also known to a very wide circle of friends and family. But only the very close persons in my life were aware of the impact which the notion of innocence of the mockingbird had had on me. It was one thing which signified the foundation of my entire belief system and also formed the core of my legal practice - protecting the innocent, come whatever the cost.... It was not apparent to Kavya, Meher and Zafar that Vidhi was also one of those close friends who knew about my admiration for the mockingbird. It must have come to them as a shock when Vidhi herself spoke of the mockingbird to imply my innocence. Whatever they may have thought, it struck a chord and made them review their pre-conceived notions.

"We need to sort this mess out, really..," Zafar spoke up in a bid to break the deadlock. The deep contours appearing on his face suggested that he wasn't holding up very well about any of this and I could once again recognise the familiarity in his voice which had gone missing at the dinner table on that fateful night. "Finally! Something has finally come out of your mouth that makes sense. How I wish you had said this before wielding the stick on me," I responded more out of spite than anger. "Oh come on, stop with the moral high horse and get on with your story. Let us see what you have to say for yourself," Meher vented out with frustration. I eyed her suspiciously at first but all my annoyance vanished into thin air as Meher's forehead shrunk within several deepening wrinkles of worry. "Alright kids, gather round, it's time for spilling the truth beans now."

Its tough to explain my state of mind in those moments as I prepared to unravel the strings of this tale from my end in anticipation that the rest of them would also come clean and not continue keeping their sides tangled up. Tumultuous was how everything felt like, to say the least. Time was running its usual, slow course, but our circumstances were changing with every faint whiff in the air. Nevertheless, my anger was not translating into anything more. I was facing one of those moral dilemmas where my mind was pulling me over the line of decency to transcend into fits of rage, yet my heart longed to forget all that had happened and go back to the good, old times of bliss. I don't know why, but its always the heart that prevails in these situations and makes us take that leap of faith in something or someone. Drawing in a couple of deep breaths, I settled myself for beginning what would be a long, long monologue.

"First things first, I must clear the air on this with you Meher - I've not been cheating on you with Vidhi. There is absolutely nothing like that and I don't understand how you have even digested this abominable concoction as the truth. I'm going to presume that the root of all this lies in how close I have become with Vidhi of late, isn't it? Well, you're not wrong about how close we are... Vidhi to me is the sister I've never had. She has showered me with sisterly concern and affection to the extent of spoiling me! It's wonderful. I've often felt the need to have someone who's protective about me and the things that I indulge in. Of course, your parents are the first and foremost set of people who will do that for you unconditionally without any trace of hesitation. However, it so happens that as we grow older, our tendency to get frustrated with them for having such an influence in our lives keeps growing too. I'm sure you will all agree with me that independence is the strongest drug there is in the larger scheme of life whereas exertion of this independence without any fears or fetters is the high we all crave for. The wisdom that our parents seek to equip us with in day-to-day life seems like an unwarranted disruption in this independence. This is where the looming shadow of a sibling comes into the picture and these are precisely the shoes which Vidhi has filled in my life.

I guess you might want to know how we developed this bond in the first place. A couple of months ago, Vidhi and I had been working late into the night at the office for finishing up drafting of arguments in a twisted murder defense. It was in then that we realised we had never actually worked together on anything, just the two of us, in all those years. That's how crazy this friendship had been, totally lop-sided. This chance to work together also came up only because the person we were to defend was a mutual connection who had vehemently requested that we handle her case together. After that night though, the floodgates opened and we started talking more and also actively sought to collaborate on new cases. A lot of things have come to light in these few months about how we have all been treating Vidhi and how we are responsible for a lot of anxiety that she suffers from. She has been putting in all her efforts towards the firm too, like the rest of us, yet we have done nothing but take those efforts for granted.

Upon some silent introspection prompted by these revelations, I began to feel guilty about the fact that we had been constantly sidelining Vidhi from the group. Once our interactions had reached a point where Vidhi had begun to trust me a bit more as a friend and confidant, I pressed her a little about the time she had left the firm and almost moved to another city altogether. I wanted to know whether the rest of us had any role to play in all that because a small corner of my mind always felt that something must have snapped for Vidhi so viciously that she was forced to make this decision. Was she trying to erase the rest of us from her life and have a clean start? After all, she's never been confident about her friendships with us, you know, it's not as if she can count upon us in her times of need or call even a single one of us in the dead of the night to cry over a break-up or talk about a haunting nightmare.

Vidhi then told me about the real reasons behind threatening to leave the firm and I'm pretty sure you all have understood the gist of it by now. To be frank, I agree with all of her conclusions and would have tried to escape from such a toxic situation as well if I were in her position. Its taken her an immense amount of courage to come back and stay on without a word of complaint, all for the sake of this firm. For sake of the firm. We've been blaming Vidhi all this time for jeopardizing the interests of the firm, but haven't we also conveniently forgotten that she is the firm. We are all the firm. This firm does not exist independently of us and we are all as much a part of it as it has become a part of us. This is us. That's all there is to it."

A stunned silence followed from all corners in response to these ramblings. I looked into the eyes of each one of them, beginning with Meher. She looked sorrowful and very ashamed of herself. Zafar's face wore quite a constipated expression and I'm sure that had my story continued any longer, he would have thrown up. Vidhi was sitting back in the chair, gazing tensely at the ceiling and probably wondering if time could move even slower than it was right now. Lastly, I turned towards Kavya with an air of entitlement in my step, expecting a bitter face, twitched lips and cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. However, all that entitlement snapped at once as her crestfallen eyes nervously looked up to face my questioning glare and pleaded for mercy.

"I've told you all about my end of the bargain, now you ought to explain how I've landed up here. Who's gonna start.. Kavya?" these words unwittingly rolled out of my mouth like I was reading them from a script. "Fine, here goes. I guess its my turn to play the Russian Roulette! There isn't a lot left to say now anyway after your outburst. Long story short, I messed up everything, and then I messed it up for everyone. I...I don't really know what to say to you at this point. You deserve better than me." That quivering tone and crestfallen look of mercy in her eyes broke me. It instantly melted the glacier of resentment in my heart and made me feel hollow. I remembered Portia's poignant words in The Merchant of Venice, "the quality of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, upon the place beneath. It is twice blest; it blesseth him that gives and him that takes," and felt a strong urge to forget and forgive. For all I knew and cared about, Kavya had done what she thought would be best for protecting Meher and there was no need for any explanation or justification beyond that. Meher still loved me to the moon and back; Zafar still loved me in his own peculiar manner; and there was no doubt about the fact that Kavya not only loved me unconditionally, but she would also continue loving me regardless of what happened next. And truth be told, I could really use this vast pool of love at my disposal, as selfish as it may sound!

Unable to listen any further, Vidhi went over to Kavya and embraced her in a tight bear hug. Whenever Kavya tried to resume speaking, Vidhi simply raised a finger to her lips and shushed her, "Shhhhhhh." Meanwhile, Zafar had turned his face towards the corner beside my bed and it appeared as if he was working hard on suppressing his sobs. His valiant efforts were successful only for a brief while before the bubble popped and all emotion flowed out. "I want to scream out so badly right now...it's the best way to let all of this out at once," he reflected after gaining some composure. "It's alright, you take your time, we'll be here for you," Vidhi comforted him. Kavya, still bewildered with the fact that Vidhi was not interested in hearing more about what went wrong, asked "Don't you want answers to all the whys and hows? I'm sure there are hundreds of questions swimming around in your mind. Bring them on, please, it might give me some closure."

"Not now, Kavya. This isn't a courtroom where you're deposing before us on the stand as a defence witness. I'm not going to cross-examine each angle of your testimony and put your words under the scanner. It would probably be for the best to let it go."

"Let's let it go," I spoke with a tired smile.

***

A lot of things changed in the aftermath of these events. Most excitingly, Zafar was so emotionally moved by our little episode (yes, that's how we refer to it now amongst ourselves) that he finally gathered up courage and asked Kavya on a date! They've been going out for a month now and their faces carry the brightest of smiles in each others' company. The two of them remind me so much of the times when Meher and I too lived in a world of our own. After the episode, we had mutually decided that some distance and time apart would do us both good. Staying away from Meher for so long made me appreciate so much stuff that I had begun to take for granted, such as the random kisses and routine 'Have a nice day!' greetings we exchanged. This was around the same time that Meher, Kavya and Vidhi embarked upon a long adventure trip to re-ignite and cherish their bond. The three weeks that they were away was the most awfully boring time Zafar and I have spent in our lives. It was only once they returned that some semblance of normalcy was restored. I've now come to realise that broken relationships aren't so easy to mend, be it with your partners or best friends, but an active effort from all ends, garnished with a little bit of time, does the trick more often than not.